There's been a lot of research done on the first one ("The Writer with a Manuscript in His Hand"), and it's been traced back to an actual incident. The two people in the car were an editor and one of his slush-reading interns, and the manuscript was actually a random assortment of non-sequential chapters from an unfinished first book in what the author planned to be a seventeen-book epic fantasy series called the Overlord of the Wheel of the Sword of the Shiny Jewel of Doom.

There was a writer who went on vacation to a steamy tropical city. He met this beautiful woman there and he fell madly in love with her. They spent the entire vacation together and she promised to meet him back in New York. She gave him a box and told him to open it on the plane ride home. When he opened it he found a dead black rose, a rejection slip, and a note that said "WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF PUBLISHING!"

Two things to remember:
1: Something is copyrighted upon fixation. Registration, marking, etc. are now all purely for the convenience of others and making your life easier.
2: Copyright protection is, unlike trademark and patent, actually about copying.

A month later he got a check in the mail for $250. The writer called Marcus and said, "You sold my novel for $250! Well I'm gonna have $250 worth of fun. I'm gonna e-mail my novel to everyone I can, for free!" Marcus said he wished he wouldn't do that but the writer said, "this is the only way I feel I could get even."

And to prove this story is true, below is a copy of the writer's novel. Please pass it on to everyone you know!

If I give an off the cuff speech it's not copyrighted because it is verbal.

When I write it down it is, whether my medium is paper or electrons. If I record my interpretive dance it's now in a fixed format and copyrighted, whether film or digital. Does that make sense?

My second favorite is the one about the gang of editors who drive around at night with their headlights off until some unscrupulous writer flashes his lights to let them know. They follow the writer home and force him to watch as they edit his manuscript.

An editor was driving down the street when he saw a manuscript sitting on a lawn with a sign on it that said "For Sale $1"

He pulled over and looked at the manuscript. What a steal! He knocked on the door, paid the woman who answered a dollar and drove off with the manuscript.

Later that day, when the woman's cheating husband came home, she served him divorce papers and told him what she'd done with his precious manuscript.

That one's totally true.

Okay, so what about an extemporaneous speech given over the telephone? What if I've signed up with Vonage or some such and am using Voice-over-IP?

An editor brought her dog to a writing conference, and brought it onto a crowded elevator. While they were between floors, the editor held up a doggy treat and said "Sit! Beg!"

All the other people in the elevator dropped to the floor and held out their manuscripts.

The editor thought this was so funny that she offered to read all of their query letters.

That one's true.

I've also heard unconfirmed rumors that editors across the country are planning a special protest of the Iraq War. They are planning a boycott in which they will not buy manuscripts from unpublished writers for ONE WHOLE DAY!

I think that one is bee ess, though.

Does anyone know if that's true? I tried it, but I got too scared after seven.

It's a nightclub for obsessive-compulsives. They don't have strobe lights, they just tell one of the guests to turn the lights off and he checks it 5,000 times.

So my friend goes to this convention, right? And the first panel thingy has Robert Jordan on it, and so afterwards he goes up to him and says "Hey, Bobby J, I got this rockin' idea for a new series. I could tell it to you and you could write it and we'd, like, split the money 50/50. You'd be rich!"

And Robert J says "Oh yeah? Tell me about it," and he takes my friend to dinner and they stay up all night long talking about this book and they get it all outlined and sh*t. And so the next morning he calls his agent and they get, like, eight million dollars for the first three books, but my friend says they could get more from other countries if they sell it there. They're gonna use one of those pseudo-names so nobody knows it was really Robert Jordan.

And so the book's gonna come out next year and the movie's supposed to be in the fall and they might get Schwarzenegger to do it if he quits his job, and now my friend's super-rich but he says he's gotta keep it all a secret 'cause it's in their contract. So he's not even spending his money on stuff, he's investing it in this Swiss bank but when the book comes out he's gonna go all out and buy this house that's like all one big Playstation and he's gonna party for a whole year before they have to write the next book.

I know it sounds all crazy and sh*t, but my friend did have that kickass idea so I believe him. I probably shouldn't be talking about it here, but I just wanted to say that if you have an idea like that too you should totally go up to somebody famous and offer to split the money, because who doesn't want to get rich?

I'm the assistant editor of the Journal of Psychosocial Nursing and Mental Health Services. I had to struggle not to burst out laughing at work when I read this.

"The Consuite is open, my people within,
"And my liver is parlous dry;
"I have paneled and signed, but the day is behind,
"You had bloody well let me go by."

But he's held by a hand with a tonerish scent,
"I've a novel within," quoth he.
"I will watch as it climbs up the list of the Times,
"I ask little enough from thee.

"It's adventure, for sure, with a literate bent --"
The Convention Guest watched with unease;
"I'm on Draft Twenty-three, and it's near as can be,
Could the wheels have a touching of grease?"

The Convention Guest gave him a cryonic laugh,
And the Devil was in his shout:
"Every Hamlet and Clown has a novel deep down,
The trouble is prying it out!"

Then distant he looked, and his finger was crooked,
"'Tis the spirit of Nielsen Hayden!"
And the Author manqué stumbled quickly away
With his albatross awkwardly laden.

The Guest ducked in with a side-bent grin,
And the party improved with him in it;
"Dreaming's hard work to do, and the dreamers are few,
But a sleepwalker's born every minute."

Uh, excuse me, wrong metaphor.

The latter is also useless, but at least vaguely relates in some way to some desirable goal, namely recording invention date for priority purposes. The problem is it does a lousy job of it because anybody knows that envelopes can be tampered with.

BTW, there is a proper solution if you've had the idea for a commercially valuable invention, you are sure it is new, and you are going to apply for a patent on it but can't yet afford to or need to do more research first. Write out a description of it with any needed drawings, have two witnesses record the date and sign it, and put it on file with your lawyer to hold for you.

(Then go get about $10,000 out from your bank in cash and burn it. That will be cheaper than filing for a patent.)

He made his way to a nearby farmhouse, knocked, and asked for shelter for the night. He gave the farmer his name, and told him what he did for a living.

"You're an editor?" the farmer replied. "Sure, we can put you up for the night. But you'll have to read my daughter's manuscript."

There's a longstanding rumor on the Critters workshop that if you stand in front of a mirror and say "Alas!" nine times, Gordon van Gelder will appear behind you and reject you.

Does anyone know if that's true? I tried it, but I got too scared after seven.